• 30 Sep 2017
  • by ese
  • Blog

The reason I love hotels is because it is always neat and there is no space for clutter. I love huge spaces, white walls, well laid beds, clean tables and clear mirrors. I like things being in their place. I don't like to see dirty dustbins in a room, I like the floor clean at all times. When I write, I love to sit in a clean clear space, I feel like my ideas flow better that way. I lay my bed when I get up because I like coming home to a laid bed. This used ot be my life until Boobman showed up.

I have created a wardrobe space for his toys and the way I get him to pack them up at night is to say the toys need to sleep. This works until he gets up in the morning and announces "fire truck woke up." His fire truck is his biggest and favourite toy for now. After he says fire truck woke up, he asks if he can get it out to which I nod. He gets not just the fire truck, but every toy in the wardrobe. Initially, I would freak out and start going off about how he cannot play with every toy at the same time. I wanted him to play with the truck alone and keep the other toys in the wardrobe until he was ready to switch to another toy, then he would have to return the truck to the wardrobe. It was a real struggle. He didn't understand why any toy had to be left in the wardrobe, I didn't understand why all the toys should liter the space.

One day I sat in bed Nursing Boobgirl as I watched him empty the wardrobe of all the toys. He didn't just bring them out but scattered them around the entire floor space of the room, then he sat down to watch T.V. I wondered what the point was littering the toys all over the room just to sit to watch T.V. As I sat there watching those thoughts, I started thinking how I would quietly pick up the toys without him noticing and put them back in the wardrobe. I planed to lock the wardrobe afterwards. I almost succeeeded but he caught me half way and repeated that the toys woke up. Before long we were having a back and forth. I put the toy in, he brings it out and flings it accross the room. I got tired and let him be.

I was discussing this with a friend one day and she asked why I couldn't let the toys be aorund the room. I said it was because I needed the place neat and she asked how I planned to do that seeing I had an overactive toddler and an infant. She told me I could decide it was ok to have the toys around and even the room scattered and still allow myself write. As an experiencer of life, I thought to try. It worked for that first day but as soon as both babies were sleeping, I got to arranging the room, this was about 12 A.M. After that day, I started deliberately watching my thoughts around a toy-littered room. I found that I could cope with it even though my mind was always having chatters about what it all meant.

Yesterday, I watched my son litter everywhere with not just his toys, but some finger painting went on the wall. I joined the finger painting and it was fun. I found that even though I still love a neat well arranged room, I am able to function in one that isn't so arranged and allow the arranging happen when it can.

Boobman on the other hand knows when it's time for the toys to sleep and we put them in the wardrobe together. In the morning, I understand that the toys have woken up and I don't freak out when he starts to throw them around the room. I think he has cured me of that need to have the room be a certain way. I feel he helped me expand in that regard and I am happy.