Anytime I get both babies to sleep in the afternoon, I do a little victory dance. I feel like a fucking goddess. It is tough and hard work to have both of them needing my attention while I pursue the many other interests that make up my life. Today, I have been thinking about continuing the book, Gateless Gatecrashers by Liberation unleashed. When I first started reading the book I wasn’t ready for the information in it so I was falling asleep and loosing interest. Today, I cannot wait to get back to reading it. Even as I type this, a voice in my head is going, 'stop already so you can finish sorting their cloths, sweep the room and get back to your book.' But because I am the boss of me, I’m going to finish writing this post, then get back to sorting cloths, and sweeping room before I continue my reading. After all, the book isn’t going anywhere.
I think about the time when I started dealing with guilt about doing the work in my home. I thought, why am I the one who gets to clean and cater to babies. It wasn’t like this decision to stay home was put on me. In fact, I had to fight for my decision to stay home before it finally stuck. The guilt and struggle came from reading from other people and how they ran their homes. I somehow felt if I wasn’t running my home like the Joneses then I was doing something wrong. I felt that my husband had to sweep the living room every evening when he got back from work so I could feel I was an equal partner to him. This is bullshit of course. Humans are equal because humans are humans. The thing that makes us feel we need to fight for equality is the conditioning we met here when we arrived. I have since lost any desire to fight for anything. I live free and I know that because I got here, every human being who is willing will get to the place when they own their personal freedom and see that nobody is more important that another despite gender.
I should get back to my cleaning so I can read before the babies wake up. I thought to share that I am doing the victory dance over getting both of them to sleep this afternoon. Boobmum 1, Babies 0. Hehehe.